1. Distance. First, you must hold people at arm’s length no matter how much you want to dig into their skin (because I know you like to do that). If you can, clutch at their hands to let them know you are here and you care. You can still leave fingerprints that way, but…
This. I can’t.
She is the ache in the empty,
the first time you changed your mind
and the last time you were sorry about it.
She is a city sleeping beside you,
warm and vast and familiar, streetlights
yawning and stretching,
and you have never. You have never.
You have never loved someone like this.
She is your first stomach ache.
Your first panic attack and your
favorite cold shower.
A mountain is moving somewhere
inside of you, and her handprints are all over it.
Here. Here. Here, you love her.
In the fractured morning, full of
too tired and too sad, she is the first
foot that leaves the bed.
She is the fight in you, the winning
and the losing battle
floating like a shipwreck in your chest.
When they ask you what your favorite moment is,
You will say Her.
You will always say Her.
You can change what you want about yourself at any time. You see yourself as someone who can’t write or play an instrument, who gives in to temptation or makes bad decisions, but that’s really not you. It’s not ingrained. It’s not your personality. Your personality is something else, something deeper than just preferences, and these details on the surface, you can change anytime you like.
If it is useful to do so, you must abandon your identity and start again. Sometimes, it’s the only way.
Set fire to your old self. It’s not needed here. It’s too busy shopping, gossiping about others, and watching days go by and asking why you haven’t gotten as far as you’d like. This old self will die and be forgotten by all but family, and replaced by someone who makes a difference.
Your new self is not like that. Your new self is the Great Chicago Fire—overwhelming, overpowering, and destroying everything that isn’t necessary.
|—||Julien Smith, The Flinch (via exoticwild)|
[Image: 6-piece blue colored background with a Siamese cat.Text reads: “Constant colon pain and bleeding. No health insurance.”]
IBS? Crohn’s? Who knows. WebMD says it’s probably cancer.
1. Don’t pull away when they talk about their illness.
Especially if they’re recently diagnosed, they’re not doing it for attention. They’re not doing it for pity, they’re doing it because a diagnosis and an illness are a HUGE thing in a sick person’s life, it’s…
The spoon theory. Especially.
a thank you poem to my disease
most days I said fuck you
you have made my life more complicated
you have made me doubt my body
feel out of control in it
you have left me in a state of uncertainly
not to mention the pain
but today I am saying…